Unfitting

i see myself entering a deep depression, triggered by this situation with my grandfather.  anxiety has been high and energy very low.  so tired that i dont want to be awake anymore.  i want to swallow a bottle of pills and not wake up.  self-injury has consumed my thoughts.  i stare at them in bed, while i’m driving, and looking in the bathroom mirror everytime i’m in there.  it’s getting harder to cover up, but again they’re only minor marks.  i feel dead and it’s making me miss my boyfriend oh so much.  i have been and probably will continue to be more wreckless than normal.  wreckless and dangerous.