last week seemed as if it lasted forever. the first half of the week was just riddled with more than my normal level of stress about work. i’m pretty sure i had a panic attack during a shower on one of those three days. the second half of the week, i was fighting with the lovely boyfriend. does he hate me? i thought it was seriously over and somehow we’re still together. amazing? i think so! the issues are still unresolved, which means future fights with drama are inevitable. i still love him. also related is another development, possibly caused by stress, is causing more stress. with that, to end that week and start a new week, another panic attack during a shower again. it was hard to catch my breath and stay standing. i am physically exhausted. i can barely get through showers anymore.
i have been staring at my scars and have been more conscious of them than normal.. more afraid that someone will see them when i hadn’t really cared before. i have racing thoughts and sometimes feel that i might do something stupid against my better judgement. ha me… better judgement. maybe i don’t have any better judgement. wah wah yeah i’m crying about stupid things, but my hands are not shaking for no reason. i can’t think straight.
Unfitting 