I’ve been getting these pains in my stomach or rib or sides and chest on and off for years now.. as early as middle school that I can remember. i can’t even pinpoint where the pains are or describe how they feel. what if i’m going to die or something?.. but i had a checkup a few months ago and nothing was wrong. pshh like something couldn’t be lurking. maybe i should have mentioned the pains to the doctor.. hmm yea that would have been smart, but i’ve never been known to be that smart and most of the time, my ideas are a bit too late. ahh?! i want to scream and i can’t sleep. it’s amazing how when i’m not feeling like i’m about to die, i want to harm myself or die when i feel depressed, but when i feel like i might just die from some health problem, i all of sudden don’t want to pass on. it must be either the natural human instinct to survive or struggle over having little power over an illness or failing at preventing something that could have been.
my mind’s in a jumble. i need help to unscramble!
i’m somewhat caught between, at the moment, working or not working on work-related material that is not absolutely necessary.. my dilemma is that i’m tired, not sleepy, and lazy. YES, alright! the infamous excuse about being LAZY. how could i not? aside from not being sleepy, being in pain, and completely freaking out, i’m having a cravying for mussels and a cranberry vodka! mussels from going to Carrabba’s with the boyfriend earlier tonight (thanks to that, I will be having delicious leftover pizza for lunch tomorrow) and cranberry vodka from the boyfriend’s family birthday/barbeque on saturday (and he made the drinks.. oh dear!). mouth salvating. perhaps now i will start doing work and just hope i’ll fall asleep in the middle of it. have a good night or good morning, whatever way you want to look at it..
Unfitting 