six things meme

i don’t usually do these sort of chain things, but since bomarzo tagged me and took the time to put up his, i guess i can take out some time as well.

Six Random Things About Unfitting

1. i sleep with a cute stuffed dog that barks and begs and annoys everyone else.
2. once, i dropped a pair of big metal scissors on my big toe that had me crying and whining for days.
3. i am asian, but if i have to have a conversation with a stranger in my native language, i would be screwed!
4. i have never been stung by a bee, wasp, or jellyfish.  *crossing my fingers hoping i never do*
5. i have never had chickenpox *again crossing my fingers*
6. i have a secret crush on David Boreanaz from the tv show Bones (actually not so secret)

Six Step Instructions

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each of the six know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment (on their blogs).
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Six Tagged Blogs

1. Eme’s Weblog
2. Fighting the Urge
3. Just a Bit Fucked
4. Just a Fading Star
5. Push a Little Harder… Get a Little Thinner
6. Confessions of a Tortured Mind

one life for another

..and the anxiety continues.  now it’s accompanied by fear and doubts.  i just found out that my grandfather, who is thousands of miles away, on a different continent, is very sick.  he is going to be in surgery on monday and things don’t seem good.  his health has been declining in the last few years.  i try to prepare, but nothing will prepare me.  i wont be able to handle the grief or my mother’s grief any better than i can handle any other situation i’m in.  even though i won’t see him and i am just one of his grandchildren, something inextricably connects us.  life is so unfair sometimes.

my grandfather, whom i haven’t had a real conversation with since there is a communication problem, is someone you would be honored to meet.  he is a great husband, father, and grandfather.  he is a good businessman even in an environment that strives to extinguish you.  he can make you laugh/smile.  he is knowledgable, unrelenting, strong-willed, hard-working, daring, yet stubborn.  it will be so sad when God takes him and I will still be here doing nothing with my life.  i would trade places with him because he would do something with my life instead of letting it waste away.  even though i realize this, i continue to let it happen.  so there.  guilt on my plate, plain as day. 

i need someone, something to distract me from this.  i listen to my music straight through on my iTunes playlist and this song is not helping at all.  it is “bye bye” by mariah carey.  how ridiculously coincidental.  i should die instead.   i want to cut now and let the pain and guilt numb.  lucky i don’t do it much anymore as i dont like wearing sleeves when it’s almost 80 degrees out.  i have minimal scars, since they have never been severe, just enough to leave a few marks here and there that someone would never be able to tell the difference between the cutting scars from ones i could have gotten when i fell off a bike when little (which i dont have any).  *sighs*