i can’t shake this feeling since i’ve gotten home from work. it’s making me want to blow my brains out (not literally). first of all, i got chest pains again. nowadays more often. ugh they’re coming back in a vengence. maybe it means i have heart disease and will drop dead tomorrow morning on the way to work. i also have had a huge migraine. the chest pains were fortunately short-lived. i can’t say the same for the migraine. die migraine, die! i’ve been increasingly irritable as the night wears on.. maybe that’s why i kept snapping at my boyfriend. my head’s just in a whirlwind right now. so dizzy and tired, but can’t sleeppp. keep dropping my head onto the corner of the desk about to sleep and BAM, the wave of dizziness hits me. my heart’s also pounding like crazy. great, anxiety of god knows what on top of everything else. need to cut so i can just think of something else. can’t breathe.
//edit// i think i’ve just gone through a manic episode, mild but it didn’t feel that way. as you can probably tell from my ramblings above, that’s how it started. course for the last three hours, i felt like i was asleep, in another world. i’m pretty sure i was acting crazy, saying stuff, laughing for no apparent reason, and talking jibberish to * over the phone and ** cracking up. * got fed up and told me to go to sleep. i just laid in bed staring at the ceiling until i fell into a dreamlike state that didn’t feel like sleep. eventually, my body ended up shaking a bit, uncontrollably. i just had to grab myself out of bed and throw myself back into reality. finally, i “woke” up and now am a bit scared of the dark as well as scared of myself… slightly more awake and slightly more drained…
Unfitting 