alas, it’s another day

OK, i have not posted in quite a while, not that it would matter.. i dont anyone actually reads this dumb thing.  i don’t know if it’s whether i’ve been busy with stuff or busy with actually sleeping.  sleeping a bit too much, yet i am all wide awake tonight.  my life has been uneventful, aka no drama, for the last two or so weeks, which i haven’t decided whether that’s negative or positive.  this means no real thoughts or attempts of self-harm or hypomania or even, my gosh can’t you believe it, crying here.  mainly, i seek drama even though i can’t handle a drop of it.  realize that that is the indecisiveness in me.  one of my many weaknesses.  i wish i knew what i wanted so that i could just focus on getting there. 

on a more positive note, i will be going to the beach tomorrow, rather today since it is already 3 am, with the boyfriend.  a nice sunday before the start of the work week.  the weather is supposed to nice so hopefully not too hot and not too cold.  i have to be at a perfect temperature to even have a chance of enjoying myself.  this annoys him to no end since this is one of the things i complain about frequently.  like last night, we went to dinner at a restaurant called Jones in Center City, ah the heart of Philadelphia (least i think so), and it was not at all a good experience for me.  the food was mediocre, actually plain at best.  we sat outside where it smelled and it was a bit chilly probably from the day’s rain.  and i’m pretty sure the waitress forgot about us except for the moments where she saw us through the windows while serving her indoor patrons.  i spent the entire time complaining… and i believe that this is what he dislikes so much about me — my complains.  it’s even worse — the more comfortable i am with someone, the more comfortable i am with letting them know about my complaints.  bad habit i admit.

anyway, back to the beach.  some shopping, strolling on the boardwalk, and maybe getting my feet into the sand will be nice!  i love the sounds of the waves crashing onto the shore and the sea gulls calling.  it would be great to own a summer beach house or rent one, but again this would be my fault.  i’m not even allowed to stay with my boyfriend overnight.  that’s right.  i said not allowed.  one parent doesn’t know i’m with him at all.  the other doesn’t know that it’s serious.  again, my fault.  i know, i hate myself for it.  i’m sorry.  i’m going to stop while i’m ahead before i create some drama.  good night all!~